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Clark has lapsed into a coma this morning. His breathing pattern has changed to one of pre-death. Clark will see his maker and savior very soon! It appears that he is at peace, but I'm still talking to him.
Last night I had an anxiety attack. My first one! I was having dinner with my son, Brian, Chris and brother John. We were sharing the crazy stuff we did as teenagers that got us in trouble with the law. We stopped and then some reality hit that my dear brother and friend was dying. I said out loud that I think i have been functioning partly in denial. On the way home from the restaurant, I had this pain deep within, a pain that I have only experienced one other time, it threw me into an anxiety attack. It was full blown with inability to get enough air, it felt like a truck was on my chest, i was shaking. It was awful. Granted I was beyond extremely tired, but it was scary. This is just an extremely emotionally painful.
I'm sitting at Clark's bedside praising God watching him take his last breaths.I am so sad and mad!! I'm joyful and hopeful, helpless, not understanding, understanding, always trusting.
I feel deep love, agape love and resentment.
Just like a woman, huh?
I praise His Holy Name, Jesus.
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