3 days of hospice

My Dear Prayer Partners,

Clark is still with us physically and even mentally now and then. I just got a super huge smile. He coughed up a plug through his trach which I caught in some tissues, I looked at him and said "well alrighty then". (A saying he often uses when he doesn't know what to say).
We are keeping him quiet and still, allowing him to not be distracted, to hear the Holy Spirit minister to him in ways that we cannot. He appears to have increased peace today, although he does shed tears. He really doesn't want to leave us. We all have become so close, we sibs just enjoy hanging together. We had many family travel plans and ministry plans. I think he wants to see Jesus but he feels that he is passing into eternity too young. I told Clark that I would go with him, but that Chris would not let me. He smiled.
 I was told by the hospice nurse that people who are preparing to pass, often play back their lives, and can even get stuck at an age and stay there, thinking it is reality.
I sense that Clark is taking an inventory of his life, and the Holy Spirit is helping him process.
We have all released him to Jesus and have individually said what we have needed to say. Brian commented that it must be frustrating for him not to be able to say what he would like to say to us (He cannot speak or move, only smile and blink)
Our prayers is that he passes soon. It is exhausting for us to see him like he is now, opposite of the lively, funny, passionate man that he was. We know that he is exhausted as well.
I must admit, I am struggling knowing that our God is merciful and compassionate, and yet I am witnessing my pastor brother, a true follower of Christ, suffer. Not just these past weeks, but these last 13 months! Why would God save him from an aortic root aneurysm, aortic valve replacement, stroke, pneumonia, sternal infection and not save him from cancer? This cancer is not any ordinary head and neck cancer. 3 ENT surgeons, plus 2 oncologists (a total of 90 years of experience) have not seen a cancer this aggressive. The pathologists are having trouble even identifying it. Squamous cell with sarcoma cell characteristics. What does that mean? No one really knows. When the oncologist got the latest path report in his office, I was told that he let out a scream. He was so mad that he couldn't help Clark and even touch this cancer. The more he messed with it, the angrier it got.
My faith is not wavering, but I am asking why. I know I need to relinquish my need to understand His ways. I know that death doesn't mean the same to God as it does to us, but why all the medical trials, fighting and winning the battle, only to loose after the war? I will talk to my savior in the weeks and months to come, praying that I can find some knowledge and peace with this. The only thing I can come up with is Isaiah 57;1 paraphrased says that sometimes God takes the righteous before their time, with no one understanding why. But it is to protect them from evil. I see it as God rescuing them for protection.
This I can understand considering what Clark has endured the last 4 years.
Enough said for now...
Love you for reading my thoughts.
Pray for the Angel of the Lord to come soon!

Michele