Dear Dearest Friends,
Pastor Clark, brother, friend, child of God and uncle, went home last evening! I imagine his heavenly party was like non other.
I have never attended a funeral/worship service with the person being honored is present. For 3 hours our family/dear friends worshiped our Lord with song, prayer, scripture and Spirit. We poured our love onto Clark with touch, hugs, kisses and words. We told him about the Godly legacy he has left with us. We laughed as we shared fond memories of Clark and "Clarkisms". It was so wonderful! Several times Clark would open his eyes (he is legally blind in one eye) so we all would stick our face in front of his one eye trying to get him to view our smile. It was like fighting for the blue light special.
I surrounded my arms around his head and had my hand over his heart, experiencing each life leaving beat, however weak or strong. With my mouth near his ear, I had private comments of love and gratitude, releasing him to run to Jesus. I never shed a tear! I was full of joy, hope and assurance that heaven trumps earth!
Even more importantly than expressing our love to Clark, we filled the space with our deepest love, trust, gratitude and honor to our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! He is so good. His mercies were present even though I was blind to them at times. Oh how I love Jesus and completely trust Him with all details of my life! I only want His will and His ways no matter how difficult it may be. To suffer, sacrifice of Christ is an honor to me.
Near 8:20 I felt his last heart beat, and a few moments later he breathed his last. Good byes, I love you and see you soon, filled the room. Feeling the presence of the Lord come to take his beloved away is amazing. Tears of joys, arms waving, praises, relief, closure and suddenly hunger for many.
As a group, we sang 'It is Well With My Soul'.
This morning I continue to feel joy and peace having the vision of Clark hanging out with Father Abraham, Jacob, questioning Job, reuniting with those Clark knew who had passed before him, and of course sitting at the foot of Jesus in awe at seeing his face and audibly hearing his voice.
I am over flowing with gratefulness that my dear brother is completely healed! Yes, his body failed him, and soon he will have a whole new body just as handsome as the last. But, I am referring to his emotional healing. He is completely whole, without any emotional pain. He has full understanding and resolve of all of his most painful life experiences. And my dear friends, he has had many from childhood through until last night. Clark never complained with any ache or pain, he never talked negatively or dishonored anyone who out right broke his heart, he always forgave, but he did carry with him some deep wounds of failure and shame that was hard to heal. It is now finished. I'm so thrilled!
Thank you for caring enough to take the time to read my thoughts. It is a blessing to me. I am so blessed that you have taken this journey with me.
Loving you,
Tucked Safely and Happily Under His Mighty Wing,
Michele
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Fight You Can Never Loose
Dearest Friends,
Please note, replying to this blog only appears to be working for one person. If you would like to communicate with me, my email is best.
Clark has lapsed into a coma this morning. His breathing pattern has changed to one of pre-death. Clark will see his maker and savior very soon! It appears that he is at peace, but I'm still talking to him.
Last night I had an anxiety attack. My first one! I was having dinner with my son, Brian, Chris and brother John. We were sharing the crazy stuff we did as teenagers that got us in trouble with the law. We stopped and then some reality hit that my dear brother and friend was dying. I said out loud that I think i have been functioning partly in denial. On the way home from the restaurant, I had this pain deep within, a pain that I have only experienced one other time, it threw me into an anxiety attack. It was full blown with inability to get enough air, it felt like a truck was on my chest, i was shaking. It was awful. Granted I was beyond extremely tired, but it was scary. This is just an extremely emotionally painful.
I praise His Holy Name, Jesus.
Please note, replying to this blog only appears to be working for one person. If you would like to communicate with me, my email is best.
Clark has lapsed into a coma this morning. His breathing pattern has changed to one of pre-death. Clark will see his maker and savior very soon! It appears that he is at peace, but I'm still talking to him.
Last night I had an anxiety attack. My first one! I was having dinner with my son, Brian, Chris and brother John. We were sharing the crazy stuff we did as teenagers that got us in trouble with the law. We stopped and then some reality hit that my dear brother and friend was dying. I said out loud that I think i have been functioning partly in denial. On the way home from the restaurant, I had this pain deep within, a pain that I have only experienced one other time, it threw me into an anxiety attack. It was full blown with inability to get enough air, it felt like a truck was on my chest, i was shaking. It was awful. Granted I was beyond extremely tired, but it was scary. This is just an extremely emotionally painful.
I'm sitting at Clark's bedside praising God watching him take his last breaths.I am so sad and mad!! I'm joyful and hopeful, helpless, not understanding, understanding, always trusting.
I feel deep love, agape love and resentment.
Just like a woman, huh?
I praise His Holy Name, Jesus.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
3 days of hospice
My Dear Prayer Partners,
Clark is still with us physically and even mentally now and then. I just got a super huge smile. He coughed up a plug through his trach which I caught in some tissues, I looked at him and said "well alrighty then". (A saying he often uses when he doesn't know what to say).
We are keeping him quiet and still, allowing him to not be distracted, to hear the Holy Spirit minister to him in ways that we cannot. He appears to have increased peace today, although he does shed tears. He really doesn't want to leave us. We all have become so close, we sibs just enjoy hanging together. We had many family travel plans and ministry plans. I think he wants to see Jesus but he feels that he is passing into eternity too young. I told Clark that I would go with him, but that Chris would not let me. He smiled.
I was told by the hospice nurse that people who are preparing to pass, often play back their lives, and can even get stuck at an age and stay there, thinking it is reality.
I sense that Clark is taking an inventory of his life, and the Holy Spirit is helping him process.
We have all released him to Jesus and have individually said what we have needed to say. Brian commented that it must be frustrating for him not to be able to say what he would like to say to us (He cannot speak or move, only smile and blink)
Our prayers is that he passes soon. It is exhausting for us to see him like he is now, opposite of the lively, funny, passionate man that he was. We know that he is exhausted as well.
I must admit, I am struggling knowing that our God is merciful and compassionate, and yet I am witnessing my pastor brother, a true follower of Christ, suffer. Not just these past weeks, but these last 13 months! Why would God save him from an aortic root aneurysm, aortic valve replacement, stroke, pneumonia, sternal infection and not save him from cancer? This cancer is not any ordinary head and neck cancer. 3 ENT surgeons, plus 2 oncologists (a total of 90 years of experience) have not seen a cancer this aggressive. The pathologists are having trouble even identifying it. Squamous cell with sarcoma cell characteristics. What does that mean? No one really knows. When the oncologist got the latest path report in his office, I was told that he let out a scream. He was so mad that he couldn't help Clark and even touch this cancer. The more he messed with it, the angrier it got.
My faith is not wavering, but I am asking why. I know I need to relinquish my need to understand His ways. I know that death doesn't mean the same to God as it does to us, but why all the medical trials, fighting and winning the battle, only to loose after the war? I will talk to my savior in the weeks and months to come, praying that I can find some knowledge and peace with this. The only thing I can come up with is Isaiah 57;1 paraphrased says that sometimes God takes the righteous before their time, with no one understanding why. But it is to protect them from evil. I see it as God rescuing them for protection.
This I can understand considering what Clark has endured the last 4 years.
Enough said for now...
Love you for reading my thoughts.
Pray for the Angel of the Lord to come soon!
Michele
Clark is still with us physically and even mentally now and then. I just got a super huge smile. He coughed up a plug through his trach which I caught in some tissues, I looked at him and said "well alrighty then". (A saying he often uses when he doesn't know what to say).
We are keeping him quiet and still, allowing him to not be distracted, to hear the Holy Spirit minister to him in ways that we cannot. He appears to have increased peace today, although he does shed tears. He really doesn't want to leave us. We all have become so close, we sibs just enjoy hanging together. We had many family travel plans and ministry plans. I think he wants to see Jesus but he feels that he is passing into eternity too young. I told Clark that I would go with him, but that Chris would not let me. He smiled.
I was told by the hospice nurse that people who are preparing to pass, often play back their lives, and can even get stuck at an age and stay there, thinking it is reality.
I sense that Clark is taking an inventory of his life, and the Holy Spirit is helping him process.
We have all released him to Jesus and have individually said what we have needed to say. Brian commented that it must be frustrating for him not to be able to say what he would like to say to us (He cannot speak or move, only smile and blink)
Our prayers is that he passes soon. It is exhausting for us to see him like he is now, opposite of the lively, funny, passionate man that he was. We know that he is exhausted as well.
I must admit, I am struggling knowing that our God is merciful and compassionate, and yet I am witnessing my pastor brother, a true follower of Christ, suffer. Not just these past weeks, but these last 13 months! Why would God save him from an aortic root aneurysm, aortic valve replacement, stroke, pneumonia, sternal infection and not save him from cancer? This cancer is not any ordinary head and neck cancer. 3 ENT surgeons, plus 2 oncologists (a total of 90 years of experience) have not seen a cancer this aggressive. The pathologists are having trouble even identifying it. Squamous cell with sarcoma cell characteristics. What does that mean? No one really knows. When the oncologist got the latest path report in his office, I was told that he let out a scream. He was so mad that he couldn't help Clark and even touch this cancer. The more he messed with it, the angrier it got.
My faith is not wavering, but I am asking why. I know I need to relinquish my need to understand His ways. I know that death doesn't mean the same to God as it does to us, but why all the medical trials, fighting and winning the battle, only to loose after the war? I will talk to my savior in the weeks and months to come, praying that I can find some knowledge and peace with this. The only thing I can come up with is Isaiah 57;1 paraphrased says that sometimes God takes the righteous before their time, with no one understanding why. But it is to protect them from evil. I see it as God rescuing them for protection.
This I can understand considering what Clark has endured the last 4 years.
Enough said for now...
Love you for reading my thoughts.
Pray for the Angel of the Lord to come soon!
Michele
Sunday, June 19, 2011
June 19, 2011
As i begin to write this, my plan is to be brief. I missed a night of sleep last night tending to my brother's comfort, which has been a bit of a challenge. Clark's pain is severe, and yet do to the brain mets he is unable to move anything except his eyes and closed lips. It is hard to determine his pain level when he is unable to speak or move. My experience has been that the hospice nurses have been reluctant to give him comfort meds (at least to the degree I desire) since he isn't acting agitated. Pulse is elevated with increased respiratory rate, and Clark has learned to pray through pain by being still. I have a few power struggles with the nurses, reminding them that I am their patient too. I have asked for prayer to fight against my pride and arrogance of thinking I am a much better nurse than some i have encountered!! The reality is: i must be a pain to have as a family member. Honestly. I can be particular and when it comes to the comfort and needs of someone i love (remember Dawn?) I can be "aggressive", I've been told. I'd like to think of myself as assertive. Anyway, as I see it, any pain is unacceptable to me and our family, however, I learned today that it is not realistic. I want him to sleep through the death process. I also learned today, that Clark needs to process his death, which he is not wanting to accept at the moment. So keeping him "snowed" is not the best for him.
It is really great for me to have all of my sibs here today. We are working together as a team to achieve a common goal, the peace, comfort and well being or our beloved brother. I am seeing the body of Christ in action, each bringing a unique and much needed role to the body. I function mainly as medical coordinator and care giver with a few knock knock jokes. Brian is tech head, hugger and taxi driver. Mike is organizer, food provider, hugger, and comic relief and chief stabilizer. Renee brings wisdom, spiritual direction and the provider of any forgotten toiletry. John brings harmony, male emotions, hugs, and just practical advice and responsibility. Lee needed to work on some of his own issues which is cool. And Chris brings reason, nurturing (especially for me), wisdom, and keeps us on track with our goals. And lastly Cheri, she brought scripture galore, prayer galore, tenderness, and has used a lot of tape to re-wall paper Clark's space with scripture, and has acted as the main communicator for friends and more distant family. We all have a part and we do it well. We wouldn't be as good without each part. Clark is blessed and we are blessed by him.
Please pray for further family cohesiveness with the Lord and His will for Clark. And that we can get Clark to more comfortable pain level. And please pray for Clark's ability to embrace and accept God's will for him at this time.
Resting in Christ,
Michele
It is really great for me to have all of my sibs here today. We are working together as a team to achieve a common goal, the peace, comfort and well being or our beloved brother. I am seeing the body of Christ in action, each bringing a unique and much needed role to the body. I function mainly as medical coordinator and care giver with a few knock knock jokes. Brian is tech head, hugger and taxi driver. Mike is organizer, food provider, hugger, and comic relief and chief stabilizer. Renee brings wisdom, spiritual direction and the provider of any forgotten toiletry. John brings harmony, male emotions, hugs, and just practical advice and responsibility. Lee needed to work on some of his own issues which is cool. And Chris brings reason, nurturing (especially for me), wisdom, and keeps us on track with our goals. And lastly Cheri, she brought scripture galore, prayer galore, tenderness, and has used a lot of tape to re-wall paper Clark's space with scripture, and has acted as the main communicator for friends and more distant family. We all have a part and we do it well. We wouldn't be as good without each part. Clark is blessed and we are blessed by him.
Please pray for further family cohesiveness with the Lord and His will for Clark. And that we can get Clark to more comfortable pain level. And please pray for Clark's ability to embrace and accept God's will for him at this time.
Resting in Christ,
Michele
Friday, June 17, 2011
Good Friday
Today was a good day. The Lord's blessings were abundant. My highlight was going to Clark's bedside alone this morning, sitting talking to him, just filling him in on what has been going on. I then pulled out several scripture verses that my sister, Cheri, had printed in large font so we wouldn't have to wear readers. I laid them on top of Clark, like a blanket of hope. Then I prayed for him out loud, using the scriptures before me. When done, I was thought "Boy Clark you are literally covered in prayer"!
We then shared an ear bud to his IPOD and worshiped our Lord through song.
Ok, you may think I'm a little nuts, which I am, but I then sat on a chair close to the bed, with my upper body lying next to Clark, took off his restraint and put his arm around me. It felt like he was holding and comforting me while I cried. It was really a very special hour alone with my dear brother. Late in the day, I set Cheri up with the same position, offering her the same special moments with her brother. She loved it.
His surgery today, to change his trachea went well. He has a new stabile trach which allows us to finally move him off his back. Praise God that he had no skin breakdown even though he hadn't moved for 5 days.
Thank you for your prayers!
Tomorrow morning we plan to take him off of sedation to see if he will wake up. Please pray for God's will. I just don't know what is best (to wake up or not), I just know God's will is. We don't know what tomorrow brings, but we know who holds tomorrow.
God really does give you what you need when you need it. The last few years God has really matured me to get me ready for what was to come. God is in our present circumstances and he is already in the future, He has it all covered. I have more recently learned to completely rely on Christ's will, His daily plan for my days, believing that not only my days are numbered on this earth, but the content of my days are also in his hands. Gratitude in all circumstances is the antidote for complaining and feeling sorry for myself. No matter what is going on, there is ALWAYS reason to praise Him. Our praise bless God, it brings Him such JOY! And after all, He deserves it. Right?
Before I turn in, I wanted to thank you for the support responses i have received from you. It keeps me smiling.
Also, I wanted to brag about my son Brian for a minute. He has been living here in the Springs for the past 5 years. He is unemployed right now and he has devoted his time and much energy serving our family as we serve Clark. He is our official taxi driver, he gives me lots of hugs and verbal support, always brings laughter, he has paid Clark's bills (Clark's money, of course), and has used technology to update several cell phones, has taught the use of the phones, and has greatly helped the Olson's with the technology in their home, cooking, dishes. He has just been hanging with us wether at the hospital or at the Olson's home.
His actions have been so helpful! I am so proud of him! What a wonderful son I have.
Feeling Joy in the Lord,
Michele
We then shared an ear bud to his IPOD and worshiped our Lord through song.
Ok, you may think I'm a little nuts, which I am, but I then sat on a chair close to the bed, with my upper body lying next to Clark, took off his restraint and put his arm around me. It felt like he was holding and comforting me while I cried. It was really a very special hour alone with my dear brother. Late in the day, I set Cheri up with the same position, offering her the same special moments with her brother. She loved it.
His surgery today, to change his trachea went well. He has a new stabile trach which allows us to finally move him off his back. Praise God that he had no skin breakdown even though he hadn't moved for 5 days.
Thank you for your prayers!
Tomorrow morning we plan to take him off of sedation to see if he will wake up. Please pray for God's will. I just don't know what is best (to wake up or not), I just know God's will is. We don't know what tomorrow brings, but we know who holds tomorrow.
God really does give you what you need when you need it. The last few years God has really matured me to get me ready for what was to come. God is in our present circumstances and he is already in the future, He has it all covered. I have more recently learned to completely rely on Christ's will, His daily plan for my days, believing that not only my days are numbered on this earth, but the content of my days are also in his hands. Gratitude in all circumstances is the antidote for complaining and feeling sorry for myself. No matter what is going on, there is ALWAYS reason to praise Him. Our praise bless God, it brings Him such JOY! And after all, He deserves it. Right?
Before I turn in, I wanted to thank you for the support responses i have received from you. It keeps me smiling.
Also, I wanted to brag about my son Brian for a minute. He has been living here in the Springs for the past 5 years. He is unemployed right now and he has devoted his time and much energy serving our family as we serve Clark. He is our official taxi driver, he gives me lots of hugs and verbal support, always brings laughter, he has paid Clark's bills (Clark's money, of course), and has used technology to update several cell phones, has taught the use of the phones, and has greatly helped the Olson's with the technology in their home, cooking, dishes. He has just been hanging with us wether at the hospital or at the Olson's home.
His actions have been so helpful! I am so proud of him! What a wonderful son I have.
Feeling Joy in the Lord,
Michele
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Choosing Joy - (At least trying)
I titled this entry "Choosing Joy". It's an expression my dear friend Arbor (Ann W) often says when she has every reason to choose any number of negative feelings.
I'm currently in Colorado Springs, staying with some friends of my brother, Clark.
Let me give you a briefing to bring you up to date. Last December my 55 yo pastor brother, Clark, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer, first spotted on his tongue. (And he is a preacher!) After removing a quarter of his tongue, on Dec 23, 2010, and most of the lymph nodes on the right side of his neck, the cancer returned 4 months later in late March, now on the opposite side of his neck. He returned to surgery on April 5, removing a tumor the size of a large lemon and 42 lymph nodes. Biopsy report came back positive once again for squamous cell cancer, with characteristics of a sarcoma. Basically I've learned that the DNA is squamous cell, but it is aggressively metastasizing like a sarcoma. (sarcoma's are only 1% of all cancers, hard to cure). It appears the more we mess with the cancer the angrier it gets. I was just told last week that their is no more that modern medicine can do for him. Any healing and any life expectancy is up to our Lord.
Last weekend the cancer started to occlude his airway, after rushing to the ER, they took him into emergency surgery to clear the cancer away from his trachea, and inserted a HUGE trachea into his neck. His is now in ICU, sedated, on a respirator. His is restrained, unable to move him at all, not even to rub his back because the trach could perforate his airway. Tomorrow he returns to surgery to put in a more permanent, smaller trach.
It appears the cancer has spread to his brain (pupils unequal for you medical enthusiasts) his lungs, and his mouth is locked shut from the cancer. We are not sure of his mental state since they have kept him sedated since the current trach was so precarious. Sat. we will take him off sedation, and we are hoping that he will wake up and be lucid. He won't be able to talk without the use of his mouth, but God willing he will be able to write if he isn't too weak.
The prognosis is that Clark will move from his earthly life to his final home in heaven in a few weeks.
At this point we don't have a will, and little info regarding his assets, burial wishes or funeral service. I haven't had a chance to say Good bye, or even a "see you at home".
Please pray that he will be lucid so we can get the info we need, and so I can tell him one more time how much I love him. I also want to celebrate with him that he will soon see Jesus!!!
These last few weeks has been so emotionally hard for me. I feel God's presence, and I am try to relinquish my need to understand His ways, but it hurts! I often think of those of you who have experienced the passing of a close loved one (Allison, Denise, Ann, George and especially Carol) knowing that you all got through it, gives me strength and hope. What has made this especially difficult for me is that my sisters believe that Clark is already healed, and no matter how bleak the medical report is, they will not hold onto or be around any unbelief that he is not healed. So therefore, being at my brothers bedside is not what my sisters want. Cheri is here in the Springs with me. I have been able to see him, but I feel the tension from her. The thing is: Clark also believes he is healed. Until he was sedated he was standing firm on God's promises. In fact, I wanted to come care for him weeks ago (I was here for his surgeries, but Cheri took time off work to cover for me while I went on a much needed vaca with Chris), but he asked me not to come, because he didn't want to be around my unbelief. The knife is inserted into my heart with his cancer and then twisted!! When he became critical, Cheri called me to come, she was feeling overwhelmed with his medical needs (I am his advanced directive), so that is why I am here. Although I don't feel I can be at his bedside, I am keeping in touch with the nurses. I will be there during his surgery tomorrow and when they remove sedation on Sat.
I am living by the Spirit, one moment on a time. I keep hearing, agape love, agape love. This is not about me, but about God's will, and acting like him in this situation. Loving on my sisters, Clark and family.
FYI - I believe God could heal Clark at any time, I have tirelessly prayed for this outcome. But appears that He is not going to heal Clark, and I accept and trust His will. I don't believe that - Clark is healed and that if he doesn't get healed, it's his fault for lack of faith, or unbelief on his part that canceled out his faith! God does not teach this! You BSFers know this too!!
I'm sorry this entry is so long, but I wanted to bring you to date.
I am exhausted, and in much need of sleep. I plan to do an entry each day to keep you updated. The intention of this blog is for me to have a place to vent, to give you direction for prayers, and to keep you in touch because you are my people.
More tomorrow.
Thanks for being my people. I love you.
Michele
I'm currently in Colorado Springs, staying with some friends of my brother, Clark.
Let me give you a briefing to bring you up to date. Last December my 55 yo pastor brother, Clark, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer, first spotted on his tongue. (And he is a preacher!) After removing a quarter of his tongue, on Dec 23, 2010, and most of the lymph nodes on the right side of his neck, the cancer returned 4 months later in late March, now on the opposite side of his neck. He returned to surgery on April 5, removing a tumor the size of a large lemon and 42 lymph nodes. Biopsy report came back positive once again for squamous cell cancer, with characteristics of a sarcoma. Basically I've learned that the DNA is squamous cell, but it is aggressively metastasizing like a sarcoma. (sarcoma's are only 1% of all cancers, hard to cure). It appears the more we mess with the cancer the angrier it gets. I was just told last week that their is no more that modern medicine can do for him. Any healing and any life expectancy is up to our Lord.
Last weekend the cancer started to occlude his airway, after rushing to the ER, they took him into emergency surgery to clear the cancer away from his trachea, and inserted a HUGE trachea into his neck. His is now in ICU, sedated, on a respirator. His is restrained, unable to move him at all, not even to rub his back because the trach could perforate his airway. Tomorrow he returns to surgery to put in a more permanent, smaller trach.
It appears the cancer has spread to his brain (pupils unequal for you medical enthusiasts) his lungs, and his mouth is locked shut from the cancer. We are not sure of his mental state since they have kept him sedated since the current trach was so precarious. Sat. we will take him off sedation, and we are hoping that he will wake up and be lucid. He won't be able to talk without the use of his mouth, but God willing he will be able to write if he isn't too weak.
The prognosis is that Clark will move from his earthly life to his final home in heaven in a few weeks.
At this point we don't have a will, and little info regarding his assets, burial wishes or funeral service. I haven't had a chance to say Good bye, or even a "see you at home".
Please pray that he will be lucid so we can get the info we need, and so I can tell him one more time how much I love him. I also want to celebrate with him that he will soon see Jesus!!!
These last few weeks has been so emotionally hard for me. I feel God's presence, and I am try to relinquish my need to understand His ways, but it hurts! I often think of those of you who have experienced the passing of a close loved one (Allison, Denise, Ann, George and especially Carol) knowing that you all got through it, gives me strength and hope. What has made this especially difficult for me is that my sisters believe that Clark is already healed, and no matter how bleak the medical report is, they will not hold onto or be around any unbelief that he is not healed. So therefore, being at my brothers bedside is not what my sisters want. Cheri is here in the Springs with me. I have been able to see him, but I feel the tension from her. The thing is: Clark also believes he is healed. Until he was sedated he was standing firm on God's promises. In fact, I wanted to come care for him weeks ago (I was here for his surgeries, but Cheri took time off work to cover for me while I went on a much needed vaca with Chris), but he asked me not to come, because he didn't want to be around my unbelief. The knife is inserted into my heart with his cancer and then twisted!! When he became critical, Cheri called me to come, she was feeling overwhelmed with his medical needs (I am his advanced directive), so that is why I am here. Although I don't feel I can be at his bedside, I am keeping in touch with the nurses. I will be there during his surgery tomorrow and when they remove sedation on Sat.
I am living by the Spirit, one moment on a time. I keep hearing, agape love, agape love. This is not about me, but about God's will, and acting like him in this situation. Loving on my sisters, Clark and family.
FYI - I believe God could heal Clark at any time, I have tirelessly prayed for this outcome. But appears that He is not going to heal Clark, and I accept and trust His will. I don't believe that - Clark is healed and that if he doesn't get healed, it's his fault for lack of faith, or unbelief on his part that canceled out his faith! God does not teach this! You BSFers know this too!!
I'm sorry this entry is so long, but I wanted to bring you to date.
I am exhausted, and in much need of sleep. I plan to do an entry each day to keep you updated. The intention of this blog is for me to have a place to vent, to give you direction for prayers, and to keep you in touch because you are my people.
More tomorrow.
Thanks for being my people. I love you.
Michele
Monday, June 6, 2011
"Radiating His Light"
Greetings Friends and Family,
I have not had an entry since my first, thinking at the time that I would do daily entries, since I was on my way from Charlotte to Colorado Springs to be Clark's primary care giver/communicator to family. Plans changed when Cheri's scheduled opened and was able to continue to care for Clark for a few more weeks. With limited space in the Olson home (where Clark has been living since Jan), and to just give Cheri and Clark this time alone, I have delayed my arrival to Clark's side until Cheri leaves on June 22.
Clark underwent Chemo (yea) 3 weeks ago, for 3 days. The Lord was gracious in protecting Clark from and serious side effects during and following the treatments. Today, during Clark's post follow up Dr's appt, the Dr. was concerned that the Chemo (yea) was not effective to his liking. So a new plan has been proposed to Clark which includes radiation to his neck 2 times/day, 5 days/week on an out patient basis. The potential side effects of mouth sores and sore throat will inhibit adequate healing nutrition, so a feeding tube would be inserted directly into his stomach (minor surgical procedure) so Clark can receive at home, high caloric, high protein shakes, as well as an easier way for him to take his oral meds.
Clark is still praying with Cheri if he will take the radiation, he is standing on God's truth of His will that Clark has been healed with the manifestation of that healing, whether it comes through treatments or not. He continues to praise Him for each day, for relieving his pain and nausea at specific moments, for the supportive medicines, and for the many Godly people who the Lord has brought into Clark and Cheri's life for support and encouragement.
Please praise the Lord for all His many blessings in Clark's days and for His many promises for His presence in those days. He is carrying our brother!!
Your prayers for Clark's discernment wether to receive treatment is needed and greatly appreciated.
Prayer's for Cheri, for perseverance, rest, confidence in doing nursing duties and her invaluable spiritual support to Clark.
Much Love and Peace,
Michele
I have not had an entry since my first, thinking at the time that I would do daily entries, since I was on my way from Charlotte to Colorado Springs to be Clark's primary care giver/communicator to family. Plans changed when Cheri's scheduled opened and was able to continue to care for Clark for a few more weeks. With limited space in the Olson home (where Clark has been living since Jan), and to just give Cheri and Clark this time alone, I have delayed my arrival to Clark's side until Cheri leaves on June 22.
Clark underwent Chemo (yea) 3 weeks ago, for 3 days. The Lord was gracious in protecting Clark from and serious side effects during and following the treatments. Today, during Clark's post follow up Dr's appt, the Dr. was concerned that the Chemo (yea) was not effective to his liking. So a new plan has been proposed to Clark which includes radiation to his neck 2 times/day, 5 days/week on an out patient basis. The potential side effects of mouth sores and sore throat will inhibit adequate healing nutrition, so a feeding tube would be inserted directly into his stomach (minor surgical procedure) so Clark can receive at home, high caloric, high protein shakes, as well as an easier way for him to take his oral meds.
Clark is still praying with Cheri if he will take the radiation, he is standing on God's truth of His will that Clark has been healed with the manifestation of that healing, whether it comes through treatments or not. He continues to praise Him for each day, for relieving his pain and nausea at specific moments, for the supportive medicines, and for the many Godly people who the Lord has brought into Clark and Cheri's life for support and encouragement.
Please praise the Lord for all His many blessings in Clark's days and for His many promises for His presence in those days. He is carrying our brother!!
Your prayers for Clark's discernment wether to receive treatment is needed and greatly appreciated.
Prayer's for Cheri, for perseverance, rest, confidence in doing nursing duties and her invaluable spiritual support to Clark.
Much Love and Peace,
Michele
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